My brain is slowly regressing from switching off in NS that I now struggle to write a proper sentence. Now how should I begin…?
Ok… I’ll be straightforward. The title says it all – one year left. To be exact, less than a year: 308 days left to the coveted day, ORD!
Upon hitting this milestone, I decided to give my view of NS another thought. Perhaps I should offer a more encouraging perspective. From my previous rant about NS, I think I might have created a wrong impression of the army in general. So I’ll like to set things straight through this post. I hope to clarify my stand on NS because some readers seem to get the idea that I hate NS to the core, which is not entirely true. As dreadful NS may be, I realised there are things to enjoy and things to learn too.
Oh… something to note: now given the extra circumstance that my commanders are aware of my blog (and disturb me about it), I have to be extra careful of what I write… 🙂
What spilled the beans?!
Thinking back, I guess I was totally jaded. Consecutive outfields for weeks left me undeniably tired and overworked. All the time, I was just thinking all this chionging for f*ck? However I could tolerate that. Then came instances of inefficient management, which was what tipped me over. It left me deeply frustrated with the system and culture; I couldn’t see the point of making everyone’s life so difficult for no good reason at all or trying so hard under disagreeable leaders. So I decided to articulate my dissatisfactions in the SAF thus far. I’m sorry if it has not been coherently expressed. It was an impulsive choice…
SCS – the best time
As a continuation from my previous rant about NS, I’ll start by clearing up misconceptions of my time in SCS. Yes, I made unpleasant remarks about the culture and management there. But, honestly, I realised it could’ve been worse after being posted to unit. In retrospect, my 5 months in SCS was actually one of the phases in NS where I was the happiest. There were ample welfare, sufficient training and experiences to pass out with good memories.
In SCS, I felt treated the most humane. There was generous amount of undisturbed admin time up to half a day, and we were allowed to order-in food on certain days. I was really surprised there was plenty of time to do my own things and eat to my heart’s content in a command school. This type of carefree life is hard to come by nowadays, at least for me.
The regimentation there was definitely more lax than in other places. In my previous post, I did complain how lazy and uncouth some of the trainers were. As annoying it was to take up their sai kang because these people didn’t give a shit, there was a bright side to that. No trainers bothered to micromanage their cadets, so we had the freedom to decide how we wanted the job done and then did whatever we wanted afterwards.
On the contrary, in BMT, I got shouted and ridiculed for the smallest of things in front of my mates. Not “moving” my mouth during water parade, not black taping excess straps, not meeting strict meal timings, to name a few. I didn’t experience that in SCS. The principle was that as long as things were done and everyone’s good, the trainers were fine with it. There were no unnecessary regulations just to find ways to tekan people.
Of course, it’s not all lepak. There were times we had to be serious. But if we went overboard, the tekan sessions were not outrageously bad; they were xiong enough to wake us all up. At the end of the day, mostly everyone did their part so we all can quickly pang kang good day relax.
Another thing I enjoyed was how things were planned in SCS. There were rarely any waiting time or delays. As a result, there weren’t any need for makeups due to missed conducts. Any spare time would mean more time to rest. Most of the bookouts were also timely on Friday afternoon or early evening at most. In BMT, bookouts would usually be delayed until the sky would be dark already. The next thing I know I was already booking in.
What’s the best part? Being a cadet. I got to play around and enjoy training alongside like-minded batch mates. From feasting together, being punished together and eating shit together. It’s hard to imagine it was the last time we could mess around without any real consequences before we part ways. Really, I’ll cherish the friendships and camaraderie from going through hell and enjoying together with my peers.
Of course, the whole SCS would be nothing memorable without the stories. Man, I had plenty to share: from a pizza surprise during outfield, being attacked by a wild boar while sleeping to getting shouted at like no tomorrow for crappy drills.
After posting back to my mono-intake unit until ORD, I constantly miss and think back about my cadet life in SCS. Now as a sergeant with men under my care, I long for the times I had no responsibilities at all. I could just switch off, follow blindly and man mode…
A different outlook of NS
Close to a year since enlistment, I’ve already felt I’ve been through so much. I look back realising there were in fact opportunities to learn, socialise and have fun! I was surprised there’s good stuff in this hellhole. I’ve overlooked these intangible aspects perhaps. My negative outlook on the army has made me somewhat biased against any sort of benefits that could arise from NS.
I still recalled my OC encik in SCS once gave us all some good advice: take things out of context. Yes, all the soldiering is a waste of time and probably wouldn’t be applied once ORD realistically speaking. However, he said, “Take the time to see things beyond the current situation.” His words left an impact on me. Instead of expending more energy complaining how pointless NS is, why not see how it could help in the future? From then onwards, despite hating NS, I tried making NS work for me.
A period of growth
There was much to learn in the army e.g. fire and movement, shooting fundamentals and technical handling of weapons. The idea of gaining new knowledge is powerful, even addictive. It was this culture of constant learning that I enjoyed in the army. That inspired me to inculcate this philosophy of learning something new everyday into my own life. I won’t feel life is stagnant – it’s progressing. And that keeps me going.
NS also provides a safe platform to improve interpersonal skills. Where can you find an environment, in my SCS encik’s own words, with so many “guinea pigs”? I’m sure he did not mean to look down on your men but to experiment your social abilities when interacting with your men. Ye, I totally agree NS is a safe and conducive medium to socialise. It is a melting pot of people from various backgrounds. There’s so much to discuss and learn from others. If things turn sour, at least one will not face upsetting real-world consequences such as loss of manpower and money from poor management. That sure is an insightful point of view. NS can indeed be a learning space to run “trials” and see what works and what doesn’t to build people skills.
Going off tangent for a bit, I’ll admit a legit bonus is becoming fit and lean 🙂 Ultimately, it’s a personal choice to treat the PT seriously. After all, NS is a great environment with enforced PT regimes throughout the week and some more spare time to workout on your own. Sounds dreadful to most, but damn it’s all worth it when you look sexier in front of the mirror. Personally, I feel it value-adds as an individual when you look good and feel good. The Legend of Imran is a case in point.
It’s a job
In my opinion, NS is a microcosm of the working world. It provides a glimpse of what’s working life is going to be. I start to understand how an organisation is structured and run. I get to experience the brewing politics & hierarchy in the army, which is no different from the corporate world outside. Most of all, I start to feel the struggles of a working adult: work-life balance, feeling overworked and the same old dreadful work routine.
Truthfully, I hate the job. Everyday begins with waking up early in the morning to babysit my guys, make sure they’re all right and eating well. Afterwards, I’d accompany them for conducts. Crash Course to Parenting 101. The most tiring part is having to stay alert and to keep on checking my phone for more updates only to find more work to attend to. Sad to say there is no option to resign 🙁 It is always a blessing to walk out of camp.
Mentioning about work-life balance, does that even exist in my unit? Those who do work do almost all; those who do little do almost none at all. I used to complain as a cadet how much sai kang I have to do. Now holding a higher rank comes with extra responsibilities and extra work. I have to settle admin work, command and control people, manage my men and regularly burn weekends for duties. There was way more work and way less time for myself than before. Sometimes, I even had to work late into the night. It was no doubt that I eventually felt overwhelmed at times
Worth it? No. But the key difference? I’m not complaining as much. Why? For the simple reason that it’s my job and I have to be professional. A 3SG rank means it’s no longer about doing things just for me and my book out anymore. Now it’s about doing work so my men can do theirs and return home safely. For this reason, as undesirable the work is, I still have to do it, if not for myself than for others. It’s about being professional – nobody else is going to do my work for me.
The work can be tough, frustrating and unpleasant at times, but it has taught me something invaluable – to work smarter, especially from a managerial position. As a commander, managing people and delegating work efficiently were necessary to survive and prevent being overworked. On my part, planning ahead and giving crisp instructions were imperative for the day to run smoothly. I had to figure ways to do things productively from building systems, assigning clear roles and strategically allocating tasks. That way, work can be done faster to free up more time, assuming everyone plays their part… There were many kinds of troopers to handle, from the cooperative to the problematic. Dealing with problematic ones were the most painful. Some simply act blur, malinger or don’t follow orders at all. However, I learnt to better manage all sorts of people thanks to them: setting boundaries, being firm about standards and giving personal “treatments” when all else fails.
The job sucks. But, ‘take it out of context’, the soft skills I learnt here are very transferrable. They would be useful in any career. Equally important, I became more aware of my own work ethics and style that would help me be more sustainable in my future work.
A bitter taste of adulting
There’s so much uncertainty in growing up, especially as an NSF. Being thrown into a highly regimented environment unwillingly that’s so unnatural and yet expected to perform. That pretty much sums up the same feeling of apprehension we would feel after NS. What lies ahead seems so vast, scary and mysterious.
Most NSFs would be 18 and above by the time they enlist: the tender age fresh into the adult world. There’s so many opportunities but so many doubts. Not having a single clue why you’re doing certain things but just doing it for the sake of complying with instructions to not get f*cked.
I start to understand the pains of doing work you hate. Waking up so damn early every day before the sky turns bright and then reminded of the same shitty feeling. How many more days to ORD…?
With a monthly allowance, my urge to spend also increase. Yes, my expenses likewise creep up (from impulsive purchase of too many ziplock bags, black tapes, army miscellaneous to name a few…). Managing finances efficiently became instinctive. Budgeting? Savings? Investing? So much to research into.
It was when the realities of adulthood starts to settle in. Life’s becoming difficult. That also means having to settle down, think through properly and make mature choices that could impact my future.
A period of reflection
The whole NS feels so meaningless. Female friends are getting ahead in university; people are enjoying their social lives. When I see myself stuck in camp in anguish without personal discretion, I envy those outside. It’s frustrating.
Perhaps one way to cope with the pain and uncertainty outside is to look inside for answers. To try and find meaning in meaninglessness. At least the two years wouldn’t be as pointless with a purpose in mind. It could be certain goals to achieve by ORD, like learning a language, making more connections or becoming more confident. For me, I see it as the chance to become fitter. I feel having compelling reasons is vital to have a more fulfilling time during NS.
I believe NS can be seen as a two year gap year. It is the best time to self-reflect without any schoolwork or exams to worry about; to ask ourselves what do we exactly want from the two years and then work towards it. It’s also a time to set goals, reevaluate our interests and decide for ourselves what our future is going to be. If we haven’t given any thought about it, then there’s no better time than now.
I don’t think our lives have to stagnate because of NS. The time during the two years could be spent pursuing interests, accomplishing goals and fruitfully mapping out a direction during and after NS. That’ll make NS a lot less like a waste of time with something to work towards to.
Fond friendships, memories and families
When I truly look back, I would be surprised I did all that cool shit, e.g. carrying expensive toys, firing different weapons and and popping off pyrotechnics etc. And also hitching a ride on an armoured vehicle?! Those are experiences I will never get outside.
Besides the fancy gadgets, the relationships I have with my friends motivate me to do my job well. There are friends I played with and went through shit together in BMT and training school. Then, for my guys, how can I answer to them when I’m not around for them? Moving forward as a commander, what really pushes me on to put in effort and keep fighting are the friendships. There are people I want to see when I book in and catch up with. There are also people that I have to take responsibility for. So far, all the hell we’ve been through together, I know these friendships are going to last. They are worth preserving and persevering for.
There are friends. There is family. Then there are friends that become family.
To be continued
As much as I’d want to end off painting a cheery picture of NS, honestly I don’t think it’ll ever happen. Till today, I’m still dissatisfied with NS, its system and culture, albeit less than before. For the past one year, everything always feel forced than self-initiated. Book-ins, especially for weekend duties, will remain unpleasant. And I still hold grudges against some superiors who have f*cked me pretty bad.
But once I started to change my perspective and see things beyond the surface, my impression of NS improved. For instance, I really appreciate the free stay without having to worry about my daily needs. Also being f*cked over and over again sucks, but they taught me the best lessons and not to be overly personal. Once I got to work together and know my superiors on a more intimate level, they are surprisingly different than expected, in a nice way.
In summary, my relationship with NS is… complicated. I realised it’s paradoxical: I don’t have to like it to enjoy it. How do I explain? I think going through NS is inherently agonising, but it becomes amusing watching events unfolding, friendships growing and myself changing.
There’s much more to come in the coming year, good or bad. Now the question is will my unit life be the best life in NS? I will only truly find out one year later 🙂
To be honest, I’ve been procrastinating on finishing this post for two months already. I intended to publish this when it was indeed 365 days to ORD. However, it feels way harder now to churn out something decent with the diminishing time and IQ I have. Likewise, my motivation and discipline to write is eroding slowly. Hence I’ve been delaying work… Moving on, I have different plans next year. More details on that soon!
If anyone wants to share your impressions of NS, regardless whether you’re serving or not, just leave a comment below. I am interested to discuss and see what you all think!