Summer Thoughts

Summer’s here! Just kidding it’s always here in Singapore…

Hello everyone! It’s been yet another couple of months, and close to the end of my summer break. Back again to share my two cents’ worth that would hopefully value-add something for you. So, over this long period away from school, I thought of sharing some honest reflections that I’ve been trying to wrap my head around. Yee more serious stuff, but as always I’ll try to make it fun!

1. Endless hustlin-bustlin’

It seems like summer break doesn’t feel like a “break” at all, at least from my experience and observations. Friends are gunning for internships, and I don’t deny feeling this pressure of falling behind. Despite giving tuition on the side and doing personal projects mostly this summer, sometimes I do question myself whether I am doing enough and doing the right things.

It makes sense to be competitive, especially with the job market now not looking great for fresh graduates in some industries. Employment growth cooled and unemployment rates have edged up slightly according to the labour market report. Coupled with various media broadcasting recent layoffs in big companies, it’s easy to be pessimistic about securing a job after graduating.

I do feel jaded at times… the thought of having to compete in a rat race before entering the workforce is exhausting. It seems more like a necessity nowadays to grind internships, courses and portfolio projects back-to-back to stand out on LinkedIn and in the job market. In my opinion, this is a surefire way to burnout…

Upon introspection, I believe it is a personal choice to choose what kind of race we involve ourselves in. The term “rat race” of course have negative connotations: rodents trapped in a maze or on wheels, relentlessly running faster and faster, competing for some cheese crumb they can never reach.

But without rats and funny contraptions involved, I think joining a race is great. There’s a finishing line to compete for and strive towards, which can motivate people to train hard. I mean increasingly more people, maybe even our friends or relatives are participating in marathons, obstacle courses and now the latest trend Hyrox? I think more and more people are seeing the intangible value of challenging ourselves and working hard for what we want.

So yes, I feel there is immense fulfilment and satisfaction to be had from effortful pursuits that we are personally driven for. The key is to find our own sweet spot – the balance between how much to hustle or relax. It’s far more sustainable to pace ourselves and understand our motivations. Press on and run your own race.

2. Academic obsession

In my experience being in the education system, I can see how our obsession with academics is drilled from young. Our worth is pegged to our academic performance because of how desirable the awards, scholarships and compliments are. And of course, the pride and superiority one feels being in the best stream.

Yes, I do recall how being the top student in secondary school was such an ego booster with the numerous accolades and attention I get. I was one of the students that craved for straight As in my report card, but boy it was tough managing those expectations… Even till today, it’s hard to shake off the urge to be a perfectionist in university. But slowly, I’ve come to realise that the learning matters waaay more than the competition I put myself in.

I think our fixation with grades stems from how our academics seem to largely determine the rest of our lives i.e. further education, scholarships, desired career in a meritocratic system. Parents, wanting their best for their children, would relentlessly enroll them to tuition to stay ahead of the competition. It is no doubt the tuition industry has grown steadily to over a billion dollars in recent years, underscoring the high demand of private enrichment in Singapore.

In my experience, all I could remember is dreading to go for tuition that I was forced to go by parents. I dropped out of all of them after a few lessons 😈 It’s quite a big irony that I now work as a tuition teacher on the side HAHAHA. I really do empathise with my own students when they are distracted and don’t give a damn about my homework.

Oops digress a little… Now back to my argument: my point is not about requiring a systemic overhaul of the education system. While it has it flaws, I do agree it is a driver of social mobility. Education opens doors and enables people from less privileged backgrounds to better opportunities. And more and more financial assistance schemes are available now, making education more accessible and affordable for all.

I think it’s more about changing individual mindsets and societal perceptions that our academics should not be tied to our worth as a person and be the sole ultimate determinant of our future. Perhaps non-academic excellence in disciplines like music, graphic design and culinary arts could be better appreciated and encouraged as alternative pathways to the mainstream path. These jobs may not be perceived as glorious and well-paying but they still add value to society. Giving students room to explore diverse disciplines from young can promote the idea that there are broader definitions of success beyond academic excellence and material wealth.

3. Re-defining the “Singaporean dream”

Ahh the Singaporean dream… inspired from the “American dream” that connotes freedom, equal opportunity and upward mobility. Of course, there’s so much literature about the failures of the American dream, whether it is truly fair and equitable.

The 5Cs, namely cash, credit card, condominium, cars and country club were practical indicators of success during 1970s Singapore as many aspire to climb the socio-economic ladder. But do they still hold relevance today?

Just recently, I chanced upon a video by Singapore finance Youtuber Kelvin Learns Investing and it seems that impressions of the “Singaporean dream” have shifted away from materialistic pursuits to more personal choices and immaterial success. An interviewee mention that the Singaporean dream is ‘more about creating memories and creating experiences rather than just going for materialistic stuff’, and most generally agree that ‘happiness comes first’.

I think this shows that aspirations do evolve with time and environment. While previous generations would be more concerned with financial security, social mobility and attaining material success, current generations have greater choice of defining their own dreams with improved standards of living and wider range of opportunities.

Don’t get me wrong – as cost of living continues to increase, money still matters a lot. It is indeed a privilege to pursue a dream when our basic needs are met and financial circumstances allow. Following the “safer”, standard formula of getting good grades in hopes of getting a good job with good pay still holds value. It sets a solid foundation for one to explore other aspirations.

But at some point, we should reassess whether we are leaning our ladder against the right wall. Have we chosen a path that aligns with our deeper values and goals? Otherwise, no matter how hard we climb, we risk always feeling empty and unfulfilled.

I believe the “Singaporean dream” could be anything really. There isn’t a “model” answer to follow anymore. Hopefully, it would come to be something we define our own, and not one envisioned out of pressure and conformity.

4. Time seems to move faster

I don’t know about you, but for me the days seem to past by way quicker than before. Maybe life’s busier with bigger commitments and adult responsibilities. Or maybe reality is starting to sink in – getting older, thinking about the future and trying to get your sh*t together…

Apparently, there’s a psychological theory that states how we perceive time is influenced by our perspective. For a 10-year-old, 1 year would be 10 per cent of their entire life, but 1 year for a 50-year-old represents about 2 per cent of their whole life. So, for adults, days, weeks and years seem to blur together, making time feel like it has gone so quickly like it’s only yesterday. I think as we also settle into more structured routines with fewer new experiences, everyday feels like a single whole entity.

It makes a lot of sense to me now. I always get the feeling that time appears to slow down overseas? There’s so many new things to try and everything feels so novel. I definitely feel more engaged in the moment than merely going through the motions. So yes, even as we go through our daily adult routines, I think we should all make time for new experiences and continue to embrace our child-like curiosity.

5. I’mpostor!!?

With what seems like competition everywhere, I sometimes wonder if I will ever feel good enough and measure up in all I do. It seems that everyone else is way more talented and I can never match up to them. That feeling that you’ve worked hard for what you achieve but still feeling like a fraud. That your own achievements and successes no matter what would still pale in comparison to others. And you should just call it quits.

I won’t deny these thoughts creep up to me some days, in studies, hobbies and social situations, to name a few. In my opinion, the impostor mentality creates unnecessary stress and self-doubt. It really stops you from experiencing so much fun and personal growth. And it’s hard to not think this way, especially in the competitive society we grow up in. There’s definitely social and capitalistic pressures to be better than others, in school, work, relationships and life in general.

At the end of the day, beyond cliches like “be content with what you have”, “don’t compare” and “go at your own pace”, I think we should be kinder to ourselves. It’s nice that we expect a lot of ourselves, out of well-meaning desire to improve. However, setting the bar too high is setting ourselves up for a lot of disappointment and failure. I often like to remind myself to celebrate my own progress and to put my own happiness first. Self-care everyday helps to keep the impostor away 😀

6. Lonely

I admit some days really just suck, especially when the coffee doesn’t work and you’re just slogging through your day with no plans whatsoever. Trying to do some kind of work at home but just edgy, distracted, dozing away.

Soon enough, the day ends… with little progress. Quiet and alone in your dark room, 2AM thoughts start to hit you: man, I’m lonely…

I bet we all somewhat relate to this. Honestly, I’ve been mulling over whether this dreaded feeling of loneliness is something that we adapt or avoid… It so happens that one day, I was browsing through Instagram stories and my friend shared a quote that really resonated with me:

Some friends that we used to talk to and meet up with are now busy with different things, whether it is serving NS, working, studying abroad or in relationships. More so in our 20s, as many of us change and diverge into different life stages, we lose old friends and make new ones along the way. And those that stay? Really cherish them, because friendships are often so fleeting…

As friends come and go, I think first learning to enjoy your own company is so crucial. In my opinion, being comfortable alone without depending on someone to fill the void can lead to more meaningful connections with others. Rather than shying away from loneliness, accept that it’s normal to feel this way and perhaps that gnawing sense of loneliness would also come and go.

Now, on the flip side of the coin…

1. Still grateful regardless, really

Oh my… it’s so easy to be pessimistic these days. The weather is getting hotter and my caifan is increasing in price. Didn’t find any other job the whole summer and could’ve easily lie flat and be resentful. But I’ve come to realise it’s human nature to be loss averse, always focusing about what is going wrong.

I am genuinely grateful for the long summer holidays to decompress and dive into interests that truly matter to me. They have brought me great joy and fulfilment. I valued the free time I had, and it turned out summer was surprisingly more productive than what I had expected.

Of course, another thing that is so human is to constantly compare with other people and feel bad about yourself. Won’t deny I succumb to it sometimes… It’s so common to hear people say, “just be grateful!”, “count your blessings”, etc. but these platitudes don’t always make one feel better. Realistically it’s tough to be grateful when there’s little to be grateful about.

After all, life really sucks when everything seems to be going wrong. It’s completely valid to feel disappointed. But instead of forcing myself to be overly optimistic, I’ll focus on simply appreciating the moment for what it is. Nowadays, whether it is good or bad, I find it easier to aim for an increase in my EXP bar every day, one small step at a time. Eventually BOOM LEVEL UP! new skills unlocked eyy

2. Certainty within uncertainty

I remember VUCA was such a buzzword that I’ll overuse it in my essay writing couple of years ago. Never thought I will use it again… Volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous definitely describe today’s modern world. slay skibidi ohio rizz ok definitely not that…

As uncertain with recent AI disruptions, global pandemics and economic downturns perpetuated by media, it might seem like our world is doomed. Oh well uncertainty has always been a part of life, but I think we have adapted well so far right ChatGPT?

Instead of worrying about uncertainties, individually I am more certain of my own race and how to re-orientate myself when necessary. There are and always be many external forces beyond our control, but we can at least be reassured that we do have control over the direction we are heading next surely. The future holds infinite possibilities that we can’t always be sure about, but the process we follow is finite and within our grasp. Trust the process.

3. Peace

I’m starting to appreciate the sense of solace in solitude. Yes, I agree it gets boring sometimes, but it’s such a source of inspiration to be creative with my free time, like writing this 🙂

Unpopular opinion, but I find that I can really be my most authentic self when I’m left to my own devices. In the quiet of solitude, free from the noise and external pressures of social settings. I can tune into just being me. It’s in these moments I realise that maybe some of my concerns are overblown.

I feel more at peace when I begin to accept that not everything has to be perfect all the time, especially when I have certain expectations of how the result should be. Embracing the beauty of imperfections and letting go of the outcome is so incredibly liberating.

And with that… peace out! 😏

Bye summer hols!

Already missing you… 👉👈

I honestly admit this post happened as a result of capturing random thoughts and feelings throughout the holidays and trying so hard to piece them together in a coherent manner. Still, I hope these insights have been helpful for you in some ways.

Also, an idea I have! I believe these deep, reflective, contentious stuff are better conveyed artistically than words alone, through music perhaps. I really should make an album of these reflections like 3 – 5 songs. What yall think? To be released by next summer maybe (?) We’ll see…

Further reading

🧑‍💼 Class of 2024 might be in for a wild job hunt (businesstimes.com.sg)

More S’pore professionals seeking to change jobs despite cooling labour market: LinkedIn | The Straits Times

Look Ahead 2024: Amid job disruptions due to AI, remote work and tech retrenchments, youth urged to stay agile by upskilling – TODAY (todayonline.com)

CNA Reboot of the 5Cs

Why does time pass faster as we get older? – Earth.com