Intro
And after one and a half years, yes I’m back again! Now to document my gap year – another major milestone of my life. As my gap year is approaching to an end, I thought it’ll be cool to share some of my reflections and experiences. Maybe they could help those who are going through their 20s, which is often described as a tumultuous, significant phase of life.
Wait… gap year or gap years???
I think the concept of a gap year is kinda unusual in Singapore, especially for guys. I did at times question myself: why should I take a gap year when NS is already sort of a “gap year”. And that long stretch of break before university starts. Isn’t that close to a “gap year” as well?
Honestly, my reasons are largely personal. I just wanted more time to work through some of my life issues and give myself space to explore my interests. I also valued the freedom to pursue the things that I have been holding off because of school and NS.
I really felt life began to weigh on me as I hit my 20s. Within a span of few years, I went from being a diligent student to a “loyal” soldier, reluctantly, and then a struggling adult trying to figure out what to do with his life. It honestly feels like I’m relentlessly transitioning from one stage to another…
I really wanted a break from school, from the continual paper chase just to… take a breather.
And so I took the leap of faith.
Odd jobs
There I was working odd jobs: waitering at a cafe; assisting at roadshows; packing at warehouse; freelance tutoring; admin assistant; and even playing as a mascot…
I am grateful for these opportunities, and the people I’ve met (and probably never meet again). Although some of these jobs didn’t pay too well, the experiences I had are priceless.
Most jobs were great but a few were just bad…Nevertheless, they showed me what I desired from my future career – the ideal culture, progression, management style and work-life balance.
Made a couple of mistakes here and there, but nothing too serious! In fact, the biggest regret I have was being too afraid to quit an undesirable job early. I was worried about my reputation and how hard it was to find another job. I stayed too long, hoping that things would get better. Oh boy, that was just wishful thinking.
Looking back, I have indeed fallen for the sunk cost fallacy… totally not worth sacrificing my mental and emotional health for.
After all life’s not all about work, isn’t it?
Travel
I’m also thankful to be able to travel to different parts of the world beyond my own. It was enjoyable learning about the rich history and cultures of various countries and the different lifestyles of the locals. Travelling made me understand more about my identity, that is significantly influenced by the environment I grew up in. At the same time, it’s humbling to know that the world is so much more than the one that has shaped me, and there is still more to life to appreciate than what I know right now.
Writing this, I miss the thrilling, reckless, unforgettable adventures already, more so with amazing company… From trekking mountains and caves, kayaking the rapids and biking around foreign places, there is so much fun, freedom and discovery to be had outside of my comfort zone.
Especially during my solo trip to Vietnam, I realised how difficult it was to be self-reliant. I often felt the travel blues – lonely and homesick. Having to plan out the whole trip, manage my finance, and most importantly take care of myself all on my own was honestly not easy. I ran into several problems along the way, fell sick a few times, things went missing (I can’t figure out why), but I’m glad I didn’t lose myself HAHA. Learning to be careful the hard way really sucks. Live and learn…
Music
I’m glad to have a creative outlet to express my thoughts and feelings through music. It’s a form of catharsis that keeps me going in life. Do check out my music IG where I log my progress and upload song covers that I’ve done!
I’m still learning, and the covers aren’t meant to be perfect… However, I always appreciate your feedback!
Currently, I’m working on writing my own song too. Stay tuned!
Different timelines
Frankly, my 20s so far is feeling like shit most of the time. It’s feeling doubtful of your life choices – not sure if the gap year was worth it, whether I was picking the right major. Afterwards, I’d feel overwhelmed about adult life and what lies ahead. And then finally feeling lost and helpless about how to proceed forward HAHA.
I’ve also been feeling the pressure to “grow up” and make something out of myself. It doesn’t help that media often promotes the idea that your 20s should be the best part of your life. You’re young, wild and free, and the world is your oyster.
But I don’t quite agree with that notion because everyone goes through life at a different pace and under different circumstances. Using age as a benchmark to hit certain milestones creates unnecessary pressure on people to conform to societal standards.
Particularly in Singapore with a pro-marriage housing policy, I feel there is a greater albeit implicit expectation on young adults here to find a partner and settle down early. I am also aware that in other societies, people who don’t get married by 30 or so are labelled as ‘leftovers’.
I think it’s always difficult for people who don’t fit the mould of what our environment is pushing us towards. But I truly believe that our life decisions should largely be based on personal reasons rather than to follow societal expectations.
Source
It’s okay to not have that marriage, house or booming career by (insert age here). We all have our own unique timelines and individual pursuits. So let’s not compete over who has the “best” life. People have different ways how they want to live, and we should respect their right to do so.
In a fast-paced society like Singapore, I think we should start appreciating the art of slowing down. I don’t think we can hustle all the time. It’s a recipe for burning out, speaking from my own experiences. It took me a while to realise how crucial it is to take the time to slow down. I don’t always have to be sprinting all the time. This new knowledge has helped with my own well-being a lot. My mantra now is to just ‘take it easy’, especially when I find myself stressed out. It has greatly helped me to relax and keep me composed. Maybe this could help readers like you.
Change & uncertainty
I think part of adulting is also realising that many questions in life have no right or wrong answers, or even have a definite answer. Questions, like what do we want out of our lives, and the meaning of our lives is something best answered by ourselves.
At some point, we are bound to make wrong decisions or regret some of the life choices that we choose. However, what’s for sure is that change is constant throughout our lives. That’s the beauty of life, isn’t it? We can fumble around here and there and figure out as we go. Mistakes happen but they rarely derail our path irreparably. More often, these “wrong” moves can actually pave the right way forward. Certainly, nothing is ever permanent. We hold the power to control how we react to our circumstances and how we want our own lives to be like.
Living in the era of the Information Age, knowledge is so easily accessible. A quick Google search or a message to your friendly ChatGPT is all it takes to find out why the sky is blue, why did the chicken cross the road and why pigs can fly… Jokes aside, we are presented with a lot more sources of information at a pace way quicker than before. And I think ironically it’s more common now to suffer from “paralysis by analysis”. Making decisions now involves a complicated affair with the Internet. With social media, online forums and blogs having varying opinions on X, Y, Z. Our own voice starts to blur with the rest of the herd that we start to lose sense of what is important to us and what we really want.
The Internet can be a great and bad place to find advice, and it all depends how we go about doing it. I think it is common human instinct to seek out information that supports one’s existing beliefs, values and opinions. This confirmation bias can rob us of the opportunity to understand new perspectives and develop holistically. Sometimes the things we do not want to know are the things we ought to know. When we are aware of our own biases, we can avoid getting trapped in the Internet echo chamber and gain new, valuable insights for our benefit.
Our 20s is also a phase where I believe our identity, values & beliefs change. As we grow, we realise certain messages we internalise in the past may no longer hold presently. And it’s something that is not easy to accept. It’s scary to step into a new identity, even more so after being so comfortable with what we are familiar. As far as I remember, the moments I learnt the most were the times I took the courage to step out of my comfort zone. I think it’s important to not deny the opportunity to grow ourselves beyond our past circumstances.
In my opinion, when we embrace the idea of change and be open to new experiences, instead of suppressing them or brushing them aside, we are able to be more of our authentic selves. And this is uniquely individual because what works better for one person may not be the same for someone else. It’s far more important to accept your own needs and preferences, rather than being concerned for external validation or to conform to certain standards.
Self-care
I don’t think our 20s should be obsessing over being the right person for someone else other than for ourselves. In fact, it’s a time to take care of ourselves. To embrace our unique self and to also acknowledge our own flaws and insecurities. If something is a problem to you, it is a problem that should be addressed no matter how big or small. Your feelings, opinions, needs, and desires are all valid. Above everything else, your well-being matters the most. Ultimately, the best relationship you can have is actually the relationship with yourself.
The unfortunate reality is that some of us have been through traumatic events growing up. It’s good to be self-aware that we don’t have to perpetuate the same cycle of pain and confusion throughout our lives. I don’t think I’m in a position to advise how to deal with this. But what I have to emphasise is that mental and emotional health matter as well. We should seek help from a professional where appropriate.
I’m reminded of a line from Guardians of Galaxy 3, when Layla spoke to Rocket in his dying moments that the ‘story has always been about you’. Indeed it is. It is our choice to let go of beliefs that don’t serve us and start living for ourselves while you are able to.
Never ending journey
And it’s the end of another beginning! I think there are so many paths that we can go from here, if we muster the courage and effort to explore beyond the convention. For most of us, the cool thing about our 20s is that we have the autonomy and responsibility to decide what truly matters to us
As we all embark on a journey of continual growth & exploration, some days will be good and some will be bad… But always keep looking forward and enjoy the small moments during the journey.
Conclusion
Some disclaimer first: these are some of my deep observations and reflections during my gap year, and not an academic research writing… So do take it with a grain of salt.
All right serious stuff aside, I’m honestly looking forward to being a student again in college after 4 years. But things haven’t been looking so bright…
I intended to post this before university began, but I kept procrastinating as usual and was helplessly swept by the rapid currents once the semester began… Now that the semester has ended, I might have to reconsider my opinions on being a student again :S
As I’ll be occupied with school commitments, I won’t be updating my blog regularly. However, I’m open to the idea of experimenting new projects during the holidays. We’ll see.
So, with another year coming to an end, I wish you happy holidays and happy new year!
PS: Reposting this due to technical errors